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Sunday, February 8, 2009

On the edge of night...

Like little drops of ink filling a clear glass of water, the night is filling in the sky. The front yard of the village house is empty and the glitter of the moon is reflected on the land, on the tiled roofs, on the wide green leaves of the banana tree, on the fillings of water, and on the corners of my pale eye. A gentle breeze blows from below the earth, the chill on the feet travels across and ends as a smile on the lips.I stand here in silence,I stand here in the darkness, I see no vision but i could feel the universe. I look up till the head becomes perpendicular to my frame, i look up till all the earthly visions disappear, and then there is only the distant moon and the thousand stars, and then there is only the sky in sight, i feel as if there is nothing in-between us, between me and the sky, between me and the craters of the moon, between me and million stars, I float in the sky, my fingers reach for the sky. They try to play with the clouds, they try to steal the moon, they try to write a lovely name connecting the stars, my legs are not grounded on sand, I don't feel my body, this is something else that i feel, as if becoming a part of the truth, the truth of existence, the truth of the universe, a single truth that connects a star thousand light miles away with a man standing somewhere in the streets of a sleeping village.I keep looking at the sky above my head, if everything above the land is the sky then I stand in sky and I stare at the universe, and in these moments i feel that time is standing still, it is waiting for my word to start ticking again, time is relative; it is the human desire that keeps pushing the hands of time,let time wait for some more time, till then it will be the sky above and a soul below.

I wake up looking forward the night, I believe my day begins to take me to my night.The best moments of my life happened to me in the midnights, I became a bibliophile with the moon leaning across my back reading with me all my favourite books, I became a graphic designer creating images with colours when the world around me went grey, I invented my philosophies of life carelessly lying in the lap of the night, I searched for a million truths in the dark walls of the midnight making my soul as the candle of flame, night gave me lessons, night gave me peace, night gave me emotions, night gave me a shoulder to cry, night gave me a reason to laugh, night gave me solace, night gave me a chance to hear angles speak like women, night is where i belong and the day is where i un-belong.You can boast all through the day, but you have to be humble in the night, because night is a mirror placed in the dark, in the darkness we see ourselves, we laugh for ourselves, we cry for ourselves, night lets you be - yourself.The real emotions come out when we are rest assured that no body is there to watch, night gives a chance to be you and to invent you. Night is where we remove the masks, the masks spotted for the sake of the society, for the sake of people around, below every bed you could find these invisible masks scattered across, night is where all the hypocrisies fade out, night is where the conscience gets awake while the body gets to sleep.The real person can be determined with the last thought that he has before going to sleep.The hidden vault of the mind gets open when we lie idle before sleep and inside it lies our deepest desires, our most beautiful memories and our intolerable sufferings.

They say the brightness of the stars depend on the darkness of the sky.The sky is dark, pitch black with some grey scattered near the clouds surrounding the moon.The clouds keep colliding above my head, like hiding the most beautiful princess they try to hide the moon from sight.The moon, the tajmahal of the night sky.Moon has been with me for years now, I remember the day when i was a little kid.I had to travel between two cities in the midnight and when the journey started i saw the moon above the grilled window of the train, as the train went to sleep i kept staring at the sky and the moon kept following me, I alighted from the train to find that the moon is still following me.I started crying fearing that the moon is here for me, to abduct me to space.The fear of the childhood became the friend of the adulthood.The sun belongs to all of humanity- the sun is a collective entity, but it is the moon that belongs to each human- the moon is an individual entity.You can be intimate only with the moon, the moon is a friend for some, philosopher for some and the hidden source of love for some.The moon is a silent observer, you can laugh at it, you can make love to it, or you can keep staring at it for no reasons.The moon doesn't complain, it stays there where it is and sends out a sense of belonging.For me the moon is the source of selfless love, and then there are the stars, my best friends for life.I count the stars till i run out of numbers, I gaze at them one at a time.These stars above my village sky remain my companions when I'm alone, i share all my pain, i share all my dreams, I share all my secrets with them.They send out a silence which can't me matched my any spoken word.

Im in the middle of the night, I decide to climb over the wall to reach the roof of the house,I climb into the night reaching the tiled roofs of the age old village house.I walk without making a fuss,I reach the middle and I look around.The village is asleep, a few dogs bark at a distance, a few lamps remain lit in the temple below the tree, I remain the only man there, i feel like im the only man alive in the whole wide world.I see the village getting drenched with the silver light of the moon, this is how the world really looks without the borrowed light of the sun, I share the sight of the first man when he was awake on the very first night, this is the real world, the darkness is the glow of the world.The mind dwells in calmness, the mind dwells in peace.I imagine travelling into the sea when the sky is dark, the sea looks like flowing landmass in the night.I imagine travelling in a little boat across the dark sea on a dark night, mind flows with thoughts like the fishes swimming near the waves, I throw a huge net across the sea and i catch the thoughts which swim deep inside and the scattered thoughts- i present them to you as words.Standing on the edge of the night the mind travels inside and the calmness you feel needs a new language to express.This moment, with the stars looking at me and the moon adding to the serenity, this moment, where i stand on the top of the village house starring at the sky,may be a moment of no specific importance, but i feel it is these little moments that make up my living.It is these moments that keep me alive and keep me going.I stand here on the cliff of the night, on top of the dark rocks, below me flows the yellow river of the day, i shall soon jump from this cliff gliding and colliding into the yellow, swimming across the day to reach the bottom of another cliff and to climb the dark rocks towards the edge of another night.I may leave in sometime.
But the night will still be alive outside my window.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Chennai to Colombo via Mumbai

Departure 29 Jan 19:27hrs
Chennai, I still remember the rainy morning when i came to you. Back then I didn't know that I am gonna love you so much, Now standing here in the deserted platforms of tidel station staring at the majestic tidel park which glows in yellow and blue, I never knew that I am gonna miss you so much.I came to you with a million dreams, you gave me my first money, you gave me my first identity, you gave me all the treasures that you safeguarded inside you for years.I am grateful to you Chennai.You were a friend, a kind of friend who makes you feel complete, a kind of friend who teaches you to live.When i was in you i discovered myself, i discovered people, i discovered things i had been searching for ages.Now standing here just minutes ahead of leaving you, I look back at you.I think of all those houses which hosted me and my friends, I think about the everlasting fun that we had in you, I think about all the streets in which i drove my rusty old bike, I think about the people whom you made me meet, i think about my first day at office, I think about all the tea shops which came to life in the midnights,I think about your night sky, I think about the energy that you embedded into every soul, I think about the hot summers that you had to offer, I think about the million people who are gifted to live in you tomorrow and the day after. They say that a city is just a bunch of streets and buildings, but i knew that you had a soul, a soul which is reflected in every face that lives in you. You are a collective reflection of the people who live in you, dark, white, grey and pale in skin and soul. I had always been fond of you, when my friends made fun of me that i had never been to chennai till 21 years of living.I decided that someday I am gonna conquer you, but you conquered me.Im in awe with you.I may go places from here, I may round around the globe but I am gonna miss you Chennai, I am gonna miss everything that is you.I am gonna miss bessy, I am gonna miss OMR, I am gonna miss those long drives in east coast, I am gonna miss getting drenched in the middle of deserted mount road, i am gonna miss the clouds those collided above my head when i spent my most beautiful nights in your presence, i am gonna miss the Andhra messes, I am gonna miss the pubs,I am gonna miss the electric trains, I am gonna miss your magnificence as a whole, I am gonna miss the wheatish girls from the north, I am gonna miss the little wooden BENCHES in my office.:)But someday ill be back to you and stay with you for a lifetime ahead cos you are my capitol, cos I love you. Ill be back to you Chennai, till then take care of all the loved ones.Take care of yourself and stay the same :)
Refuelling 22 Feb 10:27hrs
Slumdog millionaire, i am glad that i watched it months back when it was just another Independent movie that craved for attention. I watched it with no real interest, but still liked it. Days passed and SDM became the talk of villages, towns, and cosmopolites. I watched it again and this time i liked it even more. No it is not the BEST film that one can make out of Mumbai, it is not the best film that suits the Oscar profile, it is not the best by any means and that is why i feel it deserves the recognition(wait a second...even i don't understand what i just typed but just let it be:)).the film never takes itself seriously, it is not too good and it is not the kind of film that wins the Oscars and this makes it the favourite at the academy's this year(wait another second...I promise you I don't understand what i just said;)).These ppl in the west are real crazy they are bored with the kind of films they make and see, and films reaching the final stages at the oscars are just the same, similar crew, similar making, similar acting so when they saw SDM it was like seeing a pig defecate in the busy streets of Manhattan, they have never seen a pig to shit in there, they have never seen something like the SDM so they are celebrating and I am sure SDM is gonna sweep. Rahman may end up holding the golden man in both his hands(but still he will be greeted by shitty indian directors who will ask him to score "Sir, hero nadanthu varan sir appo pakkathula oru ditchu, utthu patha athukulla namba namitha face theriyuthu sir, appo neenga "jajak,jajak,....jakak" nu oru bitta potta pasanga meranduruvanunga sir)Apart from all this I like the movie, it has an Indian soul, and for all those who complain about the bad light in which Mumbai was projected, plzzz the movie was not taken in Mars, those slums are real the poverty is real the cruelty is real, when we are getting used to accept the realities we will accept movies like these. Let's wait till 22nd, kudos SDM, kudos Danny(but Mr.Anil kapoor U SUCK... i hate the way you behaved at the globes, you are a a**h***)
Emergency Landing 04 Feb 16:18hrs
I don't understand what is happening in the Island nation,No i don't have a clue.I have heard stories, I don't believe in Rajapaksha(ppl just look at him, he looks so cruel, like the Nambiars and Asokans, it is tattooed on his face that "I am a villan..ha ha ha"), I don't believe in LTTE, I don't believe in the Indian government, I don't believe the jokers in Tamilnadu who keep shouting for no good reasons, I don't believe the media, don't believe in a thing all I believe is that my Innocent brothers out there are suffering and i could feel the pain here. Days back i read about a girl from kilinochi, her grandma and her mother were raped in front of her little eyes no one came to save her and the woman in her house. Damn it!! they are suffering out there and what are we doing? Leave out the Tamil factor, aren't they human as the rest of us? I feel responsible to do something but what can i do? what can we do?.And days back one of my colleagues from north asked me a question "Why are you Tamils so regional fanatic? After all those people belong to another nation". My answer for him and all other Indians who don't understand the pain we as Tamils share all i would like to say is "Fine, you say that I am Indian, yes I am an Indian and i love my country, You expect me to be a brother to all those ppl who live in this country, to the ones from Nagaland and Assam(even though they are Chinese to me), to the ones living somewhere in the distant villages of Bihar and Jammu(god damn they look alien to me..anyway), I agree with you, I agree that we are one country and i agree that we are united in diversity, but these people for whom i speak are my kith and kin, they look like me, they speak like me, they call their mothers just like the way i call mine, they belong to me. We are united not by diversity but by identity, I am an Indian, but more than that I am Tamil by birth and life and I am always proud to say that. So let us care for our brothers, they may have killed your(hmmm…ok OUR) once PM but don't forget that you guys raped their mothers in the name of peace and harmony. Pain is something distant from language and region, its paining for them, I am not pleading you to care for them, but when we do it please don't find faults. Let peace prevail, here and there. Let my brothers and sisters spell P-E-A-C-E not in Tamil, not in Singhalese, not in any other language that humans speak. Let them spell peace in their smiles, lets pray for them after all that is the only thing we can do.
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