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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

On a few rainy days...

An old rusted compartment, deep blue window grills, brown rail tracks, green fields with white birds, grey clouds in the distance, the colorless rain water. It was a journey filled with colors. A plenty of them rioting with one other.I looked around to find that the seats were half full. With just one other person for my company I knew it was gonna be a warm journey home. It started raining the moment the train left Egmore till it reached the outskirts of Madurai, it rained all the way.And i was sharing the excitement with all the other faces that i met on the road.The train was traveling into the rain, i had never seen such a long rain all my life. My vision of rain was limited as everybody else. Rain meant a little pond of water in the front yard and a few hanging drops in my window grill. But to see it rain so wide for hundreds of kilometers did change my perceptions a little. Rain is magnificent, Rain is huge, Rain is not the drops which we see from earth but the drops that pour from the sky which we never see. Rain ends its long journey from the heavens at our feet. And we join it at the very last seconds of its living. Rain as such can never be seen with eyes, it can just be felt.

It has stopped raining sometime back, I stood under the little mango tree in the front yard and the last dew drops of the previous rain just drizzled on me. The leaves look fresh with water drops, I touched them and it shivered a little. The world looks like a different place to me, the suns light looks filtered by a silky cloth somewhere in the sky and the place is filled with a pure silver light.People look beautiful than they really are. The faces are filled with a warm smile , void of worries, i wonder rain how has always had that power to evade worries.The room is still asleep, and some kind of joy is hidden in every sleeping eye, I just feel like making the bed by the window, staring at the dark clouds filling the sky, hearing some music for the heart shrinking myself like a kid and dreaming about a better life.I just love the rain, it always inspires me, in its presence im feeling good, im feeling contended, im feeling lucky.

A rainy evening.There is no power at my place and i get to the little sit out of ours to feel the rain of the day. It's raining as it would rain in the hell. Raining like hell, raining like a curse. Its dark everywhere no streetlights no colors. It is raining like the very first rain on earth and i see it right in front of the eye. It's all black white and grey. Shades of them, dark and light, pale and full. The lighting interludes and you see a picture painted for the heavens. It is not joyful as always, at times rain too threatens. It is not kind anymore it tries to fill in the space with noise and fear. The yellow light from the little candle fights with the emptiness of the dark and paints a sad little story of the fighting candle. Some kind of pain is evoked and you could see it floating and joining the water flowing across the streets.I sit and stare at the candle. I sit. I stare. And it rains with noise and fear.

Sleepless night. I lie motionless on my bed. With closed eyes i keep staring. Staring at god. He stares back and we just avoid each other. I know he is hurt too.It will take time to heal. Why heal? let it not heal when it bleeds.... let it bleed. I open my eyes it is all dark and it is raining at my window. And i hear the rain, i hear it for the first time in my life. Like a thousand guitars playing a wild tune, it rains. I hear the frogs, a hundred of them screeching. I wonder if it is raining at your window or just mine? Why does rain change its mood often, no it doesn't change its mood, it just wears mine. It laughed when i laughed, it cries when i cry, it bursts when i burst, it becomes me. It rains just for me. I close my eyes again. I could hear the orchestra of the wild rain. I live in a closed room. But i could feel the rain breaking the walls and pouring on me. All those drops made in the sky pour on me and it joins the little drops made by my eyes.I get dissolved. I become the rain. I am the rain. And let it rain. And when it all ends ill wake up to see the sun shine at my window. ill wake up to heal, ill wake up to live, ill go out to see the little pond that the rain has made in my front yard, ill go out to feel the freshness the rain brought with it. Ill go out knowing that it rained just for me.

I'm thankful that it rained.

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