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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Bachelors nest

Slippers, shoes and socks dumped till the middle of the hall, clothes old and new scattered everywhere, unread newspapers lying all over the floor, cigarette butts at definite intervals, bed which is not done for days, thick layers of dust at all corners of the room, beer bottles lying on the verandah without any shame, pungent smell which dissipates from the lavatory, parotta parcels of the previous week lying untouched on the kitchen floor, spider webs; wide and huge all over the ceiling, a television which yells "Kathala Kannala kuthaatha" at feverish pace, few morons sleeping and mimicking a pregnant pig(read snoring), and a loser at the PC typing about the most un-inhabitable place on earth; The Bachelors nest.It has exactly been 10months, 15days and some 4hours since we moved in, and we are counting our days here. And with all my experience of living with these men, I present to you some Dos and Don'ts in a bachelors nest.(requirement- morons- 8.nos)

ideaAs the first case, think before you stay with your college mates coz they know you in and out and they will never let the teenager in you die, even if you wish.And life will remain the same big-boring-party as in college days.

ideaNever reveal your bank balance at any costs, else you have to undergo all the envious looks, the fuming ears, and the burning stomachs, but the truth would be that you will be having just Rs.250 on your account and you will still remain the richest in the room(kastam!!) Also never reveal your payslip if you work for Cts,if you wish to maintain some dignity.

ideaNever watch a cricket match inviting a crowd of friends(40+ppl), and that too if India/Chennai Super kings are in the verge of victory. else the screams will make your neighbors think -"the stout GUY in the bachelors room is giving birth to a twins"

ideaIf you are not a sound proof sleeper, and if you prefer silence as in the graves as i do, then it is not advisable to sleep with roommates, else you will endup hearing all kinda noises from loud farts to louder snores, some even get up in the middle of the night and shout "Enna emathitu poiteyedi??".

ideaIf you buy a branded shirt, make sure that you destroy the brand tag and the bills, else the shirt will go on a resource sharing mode. If its a Peter England you get it back after a week, if its a Sting you get it back after a month, if its a Van Heusen then you better forget that you bought one.

ideaIf you and your friends are the sort of guys who play street cricket, with torn lungis, mouthing poetic words in Tamil, better mislead your neighbors sayin you guys were educated from Adhiparsakthiamman Engineering College, Neyveli and you work for Muthupandi machine works, Porur. Thereby saving the disgrace for your college and your company.

ideaIf your friend plans to bring in a relative for a visit, ask him to inform two weeks in advance. Else on D-day he would be greeted with the sight of scantily clad men lying in awkward unathletic positions, thereby the guy you brought will give ("you live with these kinda people??... sigh") looks, that will put your family reputation at stake.

ideaIt is always advisable to buy ones inner's in "sangu mark" and "sudarmani" brands, it helps in retaining the identity. If its going to be jockey then there will always be an identity crisis(as all jockeys look the same). And it doesn't look good if two fully grown men fight over the ownership of an underwear.

PS:Dry-humor?!.K let me stop here, i don wanna risk stones and rotten tomatoes, and if you still find the post interesting then lets meet in a sequeltwisted

10 comments:

>>Jass said...

LOL! A little too explicit but good one ! :P

My Musings said...

Hey that was a very good one, The beautiful description of a bachelor's abode....

Just reminded of the days, as already mentioned, we prefer bachelor's over families, the description carreied me to the olden days, when i literally grew up with chetans from kerala, I indeed got thie weird habit, collection of beer bottles, playing card and bike posters ,also since they happened to be ophysiotherapists, Had got this weird attrcation to human skulls and bones,

And there's typical associative nostalgic smell with bachelor's room, their faint-cologne and the perfume smell plus the cigarette,

I still remember days with them when they all sit together, booze, smoke and play cards! well, that was so good!!!

awesomely weird sense of humor, Vignesh.... Quite true should give atleast a months memo if u're gonna invite someone from family or home..

Waiting for the sequel ....

The N03 said...

LOL!perfect description of a bachelor's place man ! awesome. That reminded me to clean my house !! he he. You forgot the lights in the bathroom being switched on eternally until they themselves burn out, Id cards submerged in loads and loads of clothes,that too unwashed and the frantic search for them when its time to leave for office :)

Anu said...

Lol.. and you wonder why landlords only give the flats to "families " :D ... Well you guys better enjoy life, because once the holy knot has been tied you would be waking up at 4am just to clean the place up, because your inlaws may visit that day

Anonymous said...

This one is utterly funny and had me in splits for a long time…

Nice flow of words and I wonder wat faces wud ur roomies make, reading this!

Antony.

Vignesh said...

@Jass

thanks man, ya too explicit byt true nevertheless!!:)

@musings
Ya we hope to get some Barath thambi as those chetans got:).. so we can educate him and make him ready for the mens life.. and the smell u love it... u r crazzzy!! i wrote it out of frustration da:)

@no3
Thanks dude, there is a loooot more to write about, i try to come up with a part two!!

@Anto
Thanks!! Any face that they make will be better than their original faces!! :)

Vignesh said...

@Anu(forgot!!:))

So i revealed it uh,?:) we r searchin 4 a new house hope no land lord reads it!!And holy knot, man i hpe there are years for that catastrophy to happen,waking up @4?? sorry for ur hubby:))

umeshkarthy said...

Vignesh,
Somehow i have begun being very choosy in reading your blogs... I read this last post and awesome i would say. Though its just reality, its nice to read it somewhere..
Knowing you and all your roommates made reading difficult for me, because i could smell it and see the guys sleeping there..

Yukkkkkk....!!!

Vignesh said...

@umesh

welcome da, good that there is somethin 4 everyone:))...

yukk-a?? dey itha mattum pasanga padichanga nee mudinja:)

umeshkarthy said...

i hope there are no fans of yours in your house in chennai....
nee printout ellam edutha kaatathey....

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