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Friday, June 6, 2008

One from the heart

The room looks deserted, I am alone all by my own. There is nothing but the noisy swirl of the fan, and the nuggets of sunlight which pass in from the dusty corners of the window. The sun is trying to intrude into me like it has always done, the shiny mustard light, the heat and warmth accompanied by the little tears shed by the skin fill in my being, I sit here like a volcano of sweat. I have no regrets. A cup of tea may not be a good option, but still I feel like I need one. I get into the kitchen burn some water, the bag of green tea looks old but smells good, I add some sugar to the water, the boiling of the water conveys that it cant wait, and then the tea bag gets into the water, little by little it looses its virginity, dip in and dip out, the essence is spilt ,the lust between the water and the tea bag ends up in making me my cup of dark green tea, I take it by hand, sip it for taste. It isn’t too sweet nor too raw, looks perfect to me, and then I gulp it, gulp and gulp! A gentle heat generates within me and the pores do some overwork. I sweat like a monster but still I have no regrets, maybe a puff of cigarette would have graced the occasion but then I remember I don’t smoke.

I sit still, slowly and deeply i start feeling the sun. Like thousand of needles gently poking into the skin, the sun light touches me. I wish it tried to speak with me, tell me stories of evolution, stories of the earth, secrets about god, secrets about its earnest silence. But we both decide to enjoy the anonymity. Right from my early days sun has been my elixir, it has always accompanied my journey. As a kid i was allured by its charm, I used to stand hours beneath the scorching sun. The magical chemistry it performs deep inside the soul can’t be put in mere words. The warmth of the evening sun has the power to seduce whatever comes by its way. I remember the summer holidays at my grandma’s village, those were beautiful days. The village was filled with the sun, the farmland, the coconut grooves, the petty shops, the innocent faces, the ancient houses, all looked more beautiful under the gaze of the sun. In the summer sun light dawns an artist role and the ordinary village streets look better than the masterpiece of Da Vinci. Sun light is straight forward, it is honest, its discerning and it brings with it a lot of clarity, it is the best succor for humanity. I remember this poem i read some days back "காதல் பகலைப்போன்றதே! காமம் இரவைப்போன்றதே!"(Love is what the day is!, lust is what the night is!) and I couldn’t find any better explanation for love and lust.

I imagine about living a life like the lonely tree that stands atop the hill. Like a saint it goes through all the four seasons of Mother Nature. Winter, summer, autumn and spring all means the same to it, it has no complaints and it doesn’t go out carping. Its sagacity and indolence remind me of a lonely sage. If i am the tree, then this is my summer!. The season has filled a vacuum in me, the days are a bit dry, so is the living. But i have no regrets, this season too.. will pass by. The sun in these days has made me revisit the Mr.grey in me. I am in the middle of this fight between all my goodness and all my madness. The black and white in me converge with will full ferocity and I end up becoming an ocean filled with grey blood. The grayness makes me belong everywhere, to all the good and all the bad, to all of humanity and suddenly i feel like god.. And the age old question arises in me again. Where do I unbelong? is it to the breeze or the storm?, is it to the god or the devil? , is it to the wisdom or the reality?, is it to the love or the lust? is it to the loner or the lively ? , is it to the geek or the nerd ? , is it to the conscience or the convention? is it to the boy or to the man ? , is it to the ‘?’ or the ‘!’....

The sun is setting. the bright yellow is to be replaced by the blustering brown. My friend is retiring for the day, he has made me scribble all this. And at times i find the scribble is mystic with its meaningless patterns but still exploring in deep these scribbles make up the most of me, just like the art of modern times this scribble is void of hypocrisy, void of conventions and void of desires. What I write is what I want to be but, what I scribble is what I am. In a few moments from now my windows will be wide open, soon the air will be filled with the enigma of the song "shadow of the day”, soon the gentle evening breeze will caress me like an angel and soon I will be lost in sight of the retiring day and will be slowly sailing into the state of oblivion.

I Got to go! Bye.

14 comments:

Milinta said...

Ahaa!! I could almost feel the Sun burning into the skin reading this stuff... Such mundane things like sweating, a cup of green tree and being alone.. but such great writing comes out of it! lovely!!

Vignesh said...

hey milinta, i am habituated so much that these things don seem mundane to me any more..:) that was really a special occasion.

thanks for dropping by!

umeshkarthy said...

I didnt like this post...

Vignesh said...

@ umesh
you are welcome!! But all the time you cant write for others to have a good time, this post was meant for me.

happy that u r expecting something out of d blog:)

umeshkarthy said...

I knew i'd get this answer... But faltly, i thought it was a preamble... a long one infact... There are more expectation of the liter side from you man.

ant said...

'But we both decide to enjoy the anonymity' That was eerily poetic.. dude U have this amazing ability to pull the reader into the screen, with a flow as gentle as a quiet stream yet persistent!

My Musings said...

Am bowled over by this post of yours.

Well just wanted to share some commonalities here. Like you, I believe in the simple everyday life. Life is meant to live. Indeed a true tea lover too, But never did I think about the tea bag losing its Virginity. Great Thinker You, buddy!!!

“But we decide to enjoy the anonymity.” There’s a post of mine, in which I wrote about being anonymous and how it gives you the better things of one sided dialogues. http://basicallythejobless.blogspot.com/2008/03/one-fine-afternoon.html And I greatly believe in anonymity and I badly want to be anonymous, walk through the life, Unnoticed.

The difference b/w love and lust was explained beautifully.

Living a life like the lonely tree, jus reminded of my friend’s post where he wrote about the life of a lamp post. Do read this please, http://bornoutofmymind.blogspot.com/2008/03/can-you-hear-me.html

This too will pass by - Just the truth.

I feel like God, I’d never felt that way, may be am not divine enough. Wink…:))But always wondered what it is to be like One. If there’s another birth, I want to be God.

“Where do I unbelong?” Vignesh that was the best thing that I ever read in a blog! Highly insightful. That can be a cure for many things. The illusion of achievement that Humans get in this life, leads us to all possible miseries. It’s high time that we start thinking about attached detachment and un-belongingness.

“What I write is what I want to be but, what I scribble is what I am.” Simply beautiful and a truth about Writer’s life.

The last sentence – I liked it very much. It tells us that the best way to unwind a day is to give into the growing tiredness. That’s how I got it. Was that the same thing that u meant ?

Hats off to you, Vignesh. An insightful write-up!

Vignesh said...

Blogging has made me meet people who
i always wanted to meet, and truly you made my day...:)

the unbelonging theory has been with me for a long time, when you find that u belong everywhere u can sense a bit of godliness:) in you and that makes you un-belong and find inner truths!!!

Ya man at times "you just have to become the day"... And i feel that is the best way u can enjoy nature is to... just become a part of it!!it brings a lot of silence and peace in you!

Again, thanks for the comment,:) and i think the post has found the reader for whom it was intended!!

My Musings said...

My pleasure, buddy.

Naga said...

Hi da.. I guess i am late in commenting this.. I am simply amazed to see how many readers you could find.. Great work buddy.. I am not really sure whether you know these people who commented for your posts..

This is not to flatter you or anything like that..

But, the response you are finding is amzing.. I am not sure whether my blog which i had started just now could find 10% of attention what you are finding now..

Anyways that was a good post..

Vignesh said...

Thanks 4 visiting da,

I barely know most of these people who comment but when you are into it full time its really not that hard to bring in readers!!

Don give up whatsoever and in a little time ull find blogging does wonders to you!

Minkowsky revamped said...

this post of yours has taken me to another plane that can only be higher than where i am right now.. Lovely piece of writing.. enough food for thought..!!

cheers..
Minkowsky

Vignesh said...

Minkowsky, This post is too close to my heart and the most ive come in the way of touching my real self...

real thanks for ur comment:)

gb said...

Beautiful :) :)

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